DON'T mind the JOB GAP!

So if you're like me, which I hope you are, cause I'm about to spew my frustration in hopes that you may relate, or understand someone better, someone like myself.

     I am a triangle who doesn't fit into a square.  A square that doesn't fit into a circle.  A Circle that doesn't fit into a triangle....etc...etc...  Good you get it.  That was fast.

     When it comes to trying to fit the look of a bill, sometimes I find myself having a hard time conceiving the expectation.  AKA, selling out.  However you wanna look at it.  It's kinda like how people get down on bands for getting popular, signed, and then changing their sound.  Yeah it sucks, exactly! Because bands were always their best when they first got discovered, and then there's that thing about getting signed, and then there's the obligation to maintain a legal agreement, and you lose part of yourself in all of that, and sometimes you lose all the best parts about yourself, your element, the thing that made you you, your inspiration.  And as artists, and free lancers, we don't like boxes and cubicles, which is why I've always bucked any kind of bandwagon, and avoid crowds, and initially don't like anything that everyone likes, and styles that everyone is wearing, until the mystique and fanfare wares off, and then right when people are like "I don't like it!" That's when I know, or feel, that it's ok for me to like or do something again.  And you know what, I'm just geared that way.  It seems like I've been swimming in the opposite direction my whole life.

     Sure I had bouts of conformity, when I was a young, impressionable, dependent on my parents, youth, scared shitless about religion, sexuality, and was trying to conform so hard, that I was an asshole.  But I shed all that bullshit a long time ago, and now I'm as free as I can be from institutionalized b.s.  But now I am like, "I can never go back."  Conforming to societal expectations would kill me!  Haircut?  Sellout.  Clean clothes?  Sellout.  Cubicle? Suit?  Sellout.  Daily showers?? SELLOUT! (DISCLAIMER:  For those of you who love working steady jobs, and have no problem looking the part and fitting in, then it's easy for you to do.  I'm just crying about how I don't fit the role, and I struggle with it. Ok, so now that I didn't offend anyone. Let's move on.)

    I'm constantly chasing career objectives that would allow me to establish myself in non-conforming independence, so that I don't have to cater to societal expectations of gender norms and job roles.  So I'm kinda fucked whenever it comes to being between jobs, and I'm staring the "find-a-job" demon in the face.  "Crap!"

     My job resume is so random, and time frames are so incongruous.  It's like digging through the 'free random book bin' outside the library.  I always leave out embarrassing jobs, even if there is a "GAP" in employment.  Which there are plenty of gaps, and long ones, too.  Like what the hell was I doing the year of 2009?  Oh, yeah, embarrassing job for 2 months, they picked on me so hard, they made me cry.  I refused to work until I rode all those blues away on my two-wheeler, hence the "Wild Child Northern and Southern Tour."  But I can't exactly put that on my resume, now can I?

It's the "find-a-job" pressure, when I start getting down on myself for not fitting the easy "here's-a-job" model.  Like if I could just look the part, life would be so much easier.  But I refuse to, even if I put on a clean button up, it grates at my psyche, because it's not me!  And I just want the world to want ME!   And so I plug strugglingly forward for career, and financial, skill-developed independence.

Here I go!